The Sleepover Series
by taggerung0254
Summary: Tseng is introduced to the world of Yuffie and Tifa's sleepovers with Elena. He is the first man that has braved this frontier, and he finds out many things, some of which he would rather not know. Rated for launguage and sexual content as well as adult
1. Chapter 1

**Here's a fun little series I'm starting. I want to have a fic just for the silliest things that are still IC. It has the Turks in it along with the usual group. I think this is great, cause I've been in stitches writing it. The sad thing is, I've had to deal with something like this before, and had to resort to a can of Endust and a golf putter to put an end to it. **

**This takes place after AC! **

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. **

Tifa and Yuffie were sharing a room at the inn of Costa del Sol. They usually did so, seeing as they were the only female members of the entire group of friends. They would stay up late talking about sex and just how stupid men could be while painting their toe nails and trying out new and elaborate hairstyles. Pillow fights were common, usually while wearing pajamas that hardly deserved to be called by the name seeing as they were practically non-existent. The men of the group all wished they could see one of those fights, yet none had been able to gain entry or even to spy on them. Yuffie's ninja training made it impossible to sneak up on her.

Needless to say, it was not out of the ordinary to hear screams coming from the girls' bedroom. The other members of the group would shake their heads and go back to whatever task they were doing. They were used to it by now.

The Turks, however, were not.

At the sound of Yuffie screaming, they all jumped up, newspapers and books falling to the ground as they reached for their weapons. Rude and Reno were ready to run up the stairs when Cloud spoke.

"Don't worry."

"What the fuck do you mean, 'don't worry'! Yuffie just screamed!" Reno looked exasperated.

"They do that. If it's really something we need to be concerned about, you'll hear something break and yelling, not high-pitched female screeches."

Reno, Rude and Elena reluctantly put up their weapons, while Tseng remained standing for a moment longer looking up the stairs. He seemed to be in deep thought. Cloud and Reeve shared a glance, then both turned to Tseng.

"Don't even try it." They both said, going back to their respective papers.

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"This is nothing." Cloud said, not looking up from his paper.

"Yes, you should hear them during a pillow fight." Reeve replied, also not looking up from his paper. All three male Turks turned to look at him, imagining what a pillow fight between the two women would be like.

"They have pillow fights?" Tseng asked.

"Mmm hmmm. Scantily clad ones, at that." Cloud, Vincent, Cid, Barret and Red XIII all nodded their heads in agreement at Reeve's comment. The male Turks' jaws dropped, while Elena rolled her eyes at them and started reading her book again.

"Reeve, you knew they had scantily clad pillow fights and you didn't use Cait Sith to spy on them?" Reno made a snort of disgust after speaking.

"You think we haven't tried everything to do so?"

"Hell, we even hung Spikey here from the fucking roof with a spy glass and it didn't work." Cid chimed in, managing to drink his tea with a cigarette still in his mouth. Reno frowned at him, trying to figure out how he did it.

"Tried the hero route as well, dashing in to the rescue." Reeve said, earning more nods.

"I have yet to receive a more painful black eye than that time." Vincent said. Cid patted his shoulder, nodding in sympathy.

Tseng sighed and sat down again, seeing as there were no more screams coming from upstairs. He had finally relaxed into his chair with a novel in hand when Tifa screamed, just as loudly. He jumped again, but remained seated. Then both women screamed at the same time, and the sound of running feet was heard on the ceiling. Several loud bangs were heard then, followed by more screaming.

The AVALANCHE men were ignoring it, so the Turks decided to do so as well.

That was until they heard a door slam open and a pair of feet running down the hallway and subsequent stairs. The owner of the feet ran into to the inn lobby, where the Turks and AVALANCHE were relaxing. They all looked up at the visitor, then did double takes as they took in what they saw.

Yuffie was running up to them, sopping wet and wearing nothing more than a towel that was almost too small to cover her. Cid and Reno both had cigarettes hanging limp from their lips, ashes falling un-noticed onto their laps. Rude pulled down his shades to get a better look, while Tseng was sitting with his jaw in his lap and almost drooling. Elena just rolled her eyes again at her companions and went back to her book.

Yuffie looked around, noting the Turks, and waved, smiling at them.

"Hiya, Turkeys!" The didn't respond but for Elena, who smiled back. Yuffie turned her attention to the rest of the men in the room, looking for one in particular. She ran up to where Vincent was sitting, bending over slightly so that she was at eye level with him. The men behind her, the Turks, Reeve and Cloud, all tilted their heads to the same side, trying to gain a better view of what Yuffie's towel was barely concealing.

"Vinnie?" She said in a pathetic voice. Vincent looked up at her face from where he had been staring.

"Do not call me that, please." Yuffie ignored him, sitting down in the chair he was occupying. She wrapped her arms around one of his, laying her head on his shoulder. Her breasts were making a great deal of contact with Vincent's arm, causing Reno to curse Vincent's good luck. Vincent looked down at her, perplexed.

"But Vinnie, we need to borrow your gun! Can we, please? We'll bring it right back!" Vincent blinked at her request, both eyebrows arching near his hair line.

"No. You may not use it. Last time you asked you shot Cid in the foot." Cid grunted and glared at Yuffie for a moment. Yuffie just grinned sheepishly and blew the man a kiss.

"But we're not going to shoot people! Honest! Please, Vinnie? With whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top?"

"No."

"But-" Yuffie was interrupted by a scream from Tifa.

"Yuffie! Hurry up and get the gun! It moved!" Tifa screamed again. "HURRY BEFORE IT EATS ME!"

"TIFA!" Yuffie got up from beside Vincent and went to the edge of the room. "Vinnie won't give it to me!"

"Then get something else! It's looking at me funny!"

"Kay!" Yuffie turned back to the room, scanning each person before rushing over to Reno. She started going through his pants pockets before he realized it, discarding a pack of cigarettes and two materia. The materia made a few other eyebrows rise, seeing as Yuffie would take any that she got her hands on that didn't belong to AVALANCHE members.

"Not that I mind a mostly naked chic going through my pockets, but what the hell are you looking for?" Yuffie grumbled to herself, moving her search to his jacket. She found what she was looking for apparently, leaping up and running to the edge of the room again with a squeal of happiness.

"How bout a grenade? Will that work?" She yelled, clutching the object in her hand.

"Yes! Now get up here before it-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

"Kay!" Yuffie was about to run out of the room, but Tseng stopped her with a firm grip on the wrist of the arm holding the grenade. "Hey! Lemme go!" She tugged slightly in an effort to free herself, but to no avail. She frowned at Tseng.

"You are not using that here."

"Well, we wouldn't have to if Vinnie would just give us his gun! Now let go!"

"What in the world do the two of you need with a gun? Or a grenade for that matter?"

"There's a spider in our bathroom."

"What?" Every person in the room sweatdropped except for Elena, who looked frightened. She got up and patted Yuffie's shoulder in understanding. Yuffie smiled at her show of support.

"You..." Tseng said, trying to remain calm. "You want to use a grenade on a spider?"

"Yep."

"Yuffie, it's a spider." Elena and Yuffie both gave Tseng a murderous look.

"It's a BIG spider, Tseng!" He rubbed his temple with his empty hand.

"Give me that." He managed to take the grenade from Yuffie and tossed it back to Reno, who thankfully caught it.

"HEY! We needed that!"

"No, you don't need it. I'll take care of your spider. Without a grenade." Yuffie blinked at him for a second, then squealed and hugged him around the middle.

"That's right! You're a Turk! You have guns!" Yuffie stopped hugging the shocked Tseng and grabbed his hand, dragging the man out of the room and up the stairs. "TIFA! Tseng's going to use his gun to take care of the spider!"

"Oh my gawd, really?"

"Yeah, really! Is it still in there?"

"Yes. It's near the sink, see Tseng? Right th-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Tifa and Yuffie both screamed again, making the group of people in the lobby debate whether or not to go and see what was going on. Then they remembered Vincent's black eye, and they all changed their minds and went back to reading.

"Oh my gawd, Tseng, kill it before it eats us! Spiders have an un-natural appetite for deliciously beautiful young women! Kill it! Kill it! Killitkillitkillit!" Yuffie said, screaming again as they heard Tseng say something over her and Tifa's pleas for the spider's death.

"Holy shit!" Rude and Reno both stared at each other in shock. Elena over filled her coffee cup, burning her hand. Tseng never used profanity. NEVER. "You said it was a spider! Not the fucking sibling of Mothra!"

"Well, I told you it was big! But would you listen to me? Noooo! Hurry up and kill it, Tseng! I'll love you forever if you do!"

"Me too! Me too! Kill it!" The sound of a gun being cocked echoed through the inn, getting the attention of several of the people in the lobby. Cid was pointedly concentrating on his magazine, chanting to himself 'I don't want to know. I don't want to know.' to himself.

"If I die, you had best make sure my tombstone says something about the two of you being mostly nude and sobbing over my body."

"Of course! We'll even say you were part of one of our whipped cream fights!" Yuffie said. A collective groan came from the men in the lobby. Each one of them but Cid had their heads in their hands. Cid was chomping on his cigarette, still chanting. 'I don't want to fucking know. I don't want to fucking know.'

"Yes! And that you got to go mud wrestling with us!" Cloud and Reeve both whimpered. Cid was now glaring a hole into his magazine. 'I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW!'

Two shots rang out, then another scream from the two women and running feet again. The sound of a bed squeaking made Vincent and Reno whimper along with Cloud and Reeve. Red XIII just covered his ears with his paws. Cid just continued his mantra. 'I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO FUCKING KNOW!'

"IT RAN UNDER THE BED! TSENG I THOUGHT YOU SHOT IT?"

" I did!"

"SHOOT IT AGAIN!"

"You're on the bed it's hiding under, you know."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" The sound of another bed squeaking marked the movement of the women to the other bed in the room. Another shot rang out, then two more in short succession. There was silence for a moment.

"YAY, TSENG YOU'RE MY HERO!" Tifa yelled, the sound of someone nearly falling over escaping the bedroom.

"YOU'RE THE BEST SPIDER KILLER EVER IN THE WORLD!" The sound of someone actually falling over and hitting the floor surprised the group in the lobby. "I could just kiss you over and over again!"

"Would you two mind letting me up? I need to breath."

"Oh, sorry!"

"Right, sorry!"

"Yuffie!" Tifa said. "You're towel's on the floor."

"What? Oh, damn."

This time, they all whimpered, and Cid looked ready to start crying. His magazine was almost ripped in half. Elena calmly stirred more sugar into her coffee.

"I'll get rid of it, I suppose."

"You have to come back, after its gone! We'll give you a massage, or something!"

"Yeah!"

"That's not necessary."

"Yes it is!" They both said in unison.

"There really is no reason for those glares..."

"Tseng, if you don't let us thank you, we'll hunt you down and MAKE you let us thank you!"

"Let's not get carried away."

"TSENG! YOU FUCKING MORON!" Reno yelled at the ceiling. "LET THEM DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO YOU! YOU'RE TORTURING US HERE!" A round of applause met his words, and Reno took out another cigarette before bowing. Before long, there was something being dragged down the stairs. Tseng appeared before them, dragging a sheet along the floor after him. They all watched as what he was dragging came into view.

A spider half the size of Red XIII was on it's back, legs curled up in death.

"She wasn't kidding about how big it was..." Cloud said out loud. Elena snorted.

"If a woman says a spider is big, than it's big. Never think we're exaggerating when it comes to bugs." She said, sipping her coffee.

"I'll remember that."

The door of the inn slammed open and shut, signaling the exit of the spider from the premises. Then they heard Tseng yell again.

"SHIT!" Three more gun shots rang out in the night air. "What the hell is this, Night of the Living Dead Spiders?" Another gun shot. "RENO! GIVE ME THAT GRENADE!" Reno walked over to the window, pulling the grenade out of his jacket pocket while Cid was kind enough to open the window wider for him.

"Here you go, boss." Reno tossed it outside at Tseng, noticing the apparently living spider crouched and ready to attack. Tseng pulled the pin and waited a few seconds before tossing it at the spider. It exploded just as the spider went to leap away from it, sending a shower of purple and yellow puss everywhere. Including all over Tseng's suit. The man stood there in disgust, unable to think about the fact that there was spider puss covering his body.

Tifa and Yuffie ran down the stairs, going out the door after Tseng. They reached him, each with a hand over her mouth in shock. Tifa was wearing boyshorts with a tank top, both in grey with pink stripes down the sides. Yuffie had on loose pants that clung to her body, and a tight cami that left no doubt to what they concealed. They were also gray but with yellow stripes.

"Oh, no!"

"Poor Tseng!" The girls proceeded to remove Tseng's jacket, using it to wipe off his hands and the little that was on his face. Yuffie then carefully removed Tseng's gun from his hand, taking care to put the safety on before tucking it in it's holster on Tseng's side. Both women took one of his hands and led him back inside the inn and up the stairs. A door shut, only to be opened a few minutes later by Yuffie carrying Tseng's clothing over to the innkeeper.

"Can you get these to a cleaners for us?" The innkeeper nodded and put the clothes in a large bag, setting it behind the counter. Yuffie thanked him before running back upstairs and up to the room she and Tifa shared. They heard a shower running before the door was shut. Cloud sighed loudly.

"We told him not to think about going up there." Reeve said into the room, once again picking up his newspaper. Everyone followed suit, reading and relaxing as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

**Seriously, I have a golf putter for the express purpose of killing spiders. I call it Arachni-death. Hope you liked this! **

**Tagg!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here it is, folks! Then next installment of The Sleepover Series! What shall befall Tseng as he delves into the the mysteries of what women do behind closed doors? Read on to find out! **

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them. **

Tseng had no real recollection of how he came to be laying face down on one of the two beds in the room, wearing his own boxers and pajama pants. He didn't recall taking a shower, which he had somehow, considering his hair was wet. Tifa was putting up a towel she had used to dry it on the rack in the bathroom. He suddenly got frightened, thinking that the girls might have actually **GIVEN **him a shower.

Elena had joined them sometime while he was out of it. She was wearing the oversized shirt she always slept in, sitting cross-legged on the other bed. Tifa joined her, stroking her hair and asking what kind of conditioner she used.

"Some herbal thing. I just like the smell of it. It's not too bad."

"Here! You try mine. It'll make it soft and light and frizz free!"

"Would it really? I have such a hard time keeping my hair un-frizzy." Elena walked into the bathroom, and turned on the tub faucet. Tifa had followed, saying something about a blue bottle called 'Azure Essence'.

It then occurred to Tseng to wonder who it was that was sitting on his legs, massaging his back with a lemon scented oil. Their hands were stong, but gentle, working out knots in the muscles that he never knew were there. He turned his head slightly, lifting it up to see who it was. His eyes widened. Yuffie was the one sitting on him. She smiled at him when he made eye contact.

"You finally back with us, Tseng?" He nodded, not knowing what to say or do. He was spared a response when Elena and Tifa came back in, Elena with a towel around her hair. "Tseng woke up, you guys!"

Tifa clapped her hands excitedly, and rushed to his side. Elena just grinned and plopped back down on the opposite bed. Tifa was stroking the hair from his face, beaming at him.

"What...am I doing here?"

"You're being thanked! What else?"

"It isn't really..." He cut off at the glare he received from all three women. Yuffie was frowning at him, which made him worry about his health if he didn't yield to their wishes. He laid back down, trying to ignore the fact that Yuffie was sitting on him, massaging him. "I'd love to be thanked with a massage and your company."

"Good move, Tseng." Elena said, still drying her hair. She grinned at him, a small bit of sympathy in her expression. The two of them had been lovers once, but they quickly found that they were much better off as friends. There is only so much one can take of blanket hogging and a refusal to put shoes in their proper place. "You know, the guys are very curious as to what we do here."

"HA! I wonder how they'll try to spy on us this time?" Yuffie said, turning her attention to his shoulders.

"Well, it'll probably take a little bit for the Turk Boys to remember that they have a spy-bot in their bags and try and use it."

"You should let them see some of what you do." He said, careful to keep his tone even. "A small sample would have them frothing at the mouth." They all looked thoughtful for a moment, although Yuffie's face was not easy to see from his angle.

"Might be fun. Open the window, Tifa, so that they have an unobstructed view."

"I've got a frequency dial here with me, so that we can sabotage it when we want to." Elena added as Tifa opened the window. That accomplished, Tifa set about painting her toe nails bright pink, Elena watching with interest. _How can watching someone paint their toe nails be interesting? _"So, did he ask you yet?"

"No...he's so shy when it comes to some things. He's got no problem chasing me around the house naked, but he can't talk to me about what he's feeling." Tifa sighed, giving one nail a closer inspection before moving on to another. "I don't get it."

"Aw, Teef, he'll come around." The girls burst out laughing, Elena falling over on her side. "Just so long as he doesn't come around **us** we'll be happy." They laughed again, making Tseng wonder just where the idea that women were innocent of sexual things came from.

"Seriously, Tifa, how **is **the sex with Cloud?" Elena leaned forward, eager to hear.

"Great. Like I'm in heaven..."

"On a Cloud?" They all laughed again.

"Yes! One with blond hair, blue eyes and more muscles than I know what to do with." Tseng watched Tifa blush slightly. She turned to Elena with a gleam in her eyes. "And what about you, Elena? Who's the lucky guy you were telling us about on the phone?" It was Elena's turn to blush slightly.

"Rude."

"WHAT?" He winced slightly when Tifa and Yuffie both practically yelled in his ear.

"Yeah. I haven't slept with him yet, but I'm looking forward to it. You know what they say, 'once you go black, you never go back'." They all laughed again, but Yuffie's was short lived.

"What's wrong, Tseng? You're getting all tense again."

"What, exactly, am I allowed to say here? I get that I'm probably sworn to silence on the happenings in this room." They nodded emphatically.

"Damn right!" Yuffie said. "You tell about what happens here, and we hunt you down and give you a bikini waxing." He winced again, imagining the procedure and not getting very far before cringing. "And you can say whatever you want, just make sure it isn't mean! No mean-ness is allowed here." Tseng nodded to himself, letting his muscles relax once again, which made Yuffie happy. "Since we're on the subject of men in bed, how is this wonderful, spider-killing Turk in bed, Elena?"

"Wonderful. You should try him out, Yuffie!" Elena said it jestingly, but she and Yuffie were sharing a look that Tifa grinned ear to ear about.

"What do you say, Tseng? Want to go for a romp with me?"

"Yes, but now isn't the time, I think."

"At least you're honest!" Yuffie said, grinning down at him. He saw this from the corner of his eye, which he kept on her. This conversation was going in a direction he was not at all comfortable with. "What do you think you're like in bed, then?" He shifted slightly before answering.

"I've never had any complaints from my partners."

"Ooooh! Yuffie! He's being all vague and gentlemanly on us! That's so sweet! Un-necessary, but sweet!"

"Would you rather I say I'm a magical sky-rocket of fucking and that I should try out for the Big Johnson contest?"

"YES!" All three answered at the same time. Tseng lifted his upper body to stare at the women in amazement. Yuffie used a hand to push him down on the bed. "Why are you surprised, Tseng? You think we don't use 'bad words' or that we shouldn't talk about sex?"

"No! I just...never heard of women acting like this before..."

"Poor Tseng..." Yuffie patted the shoulder she was working on. "Did you ever make a woman purr?"

"Purr?"

"Like a cat? You know, purr."

"No. But does the fact that I usually end up with claw marks down my back count?"

"Slightly." Tifa grinned at him, as did the other two women. Tifa looked back to her nail polish before going on. "I've been trying to find a guy that can do that, or at least try to pretend that he has."

"Why is that?" Yuffie asked, curious.

"I want to know if it can happen! I mean, I heard one guy say it at the bar, so I've always wondered."

"Admit it, you want someone to make you purr! Ask Cloud to do it!"

"No way! He'd just get that look on his face..." Tseng looked over at her.

"Look?"

"Yeah. It's like he's saying 'what the fuck did you just say' or something. It's fun to make him do it on purpose."

"I get that look all the time." Yuffie said. "Constantly, actually."

"Why? What are you saying to get it?" He asked, curious despite himself. He'd be much safer to just ignore the whole conversation and wait for them to kick him out, but he had never been one to keep safety in mind.

"Well, there was that one time I made a chocobo statue out of mashed potatoes..." He laughed. He couldn't help it. It was too ludicrous an image for him not to laugh.

"I can see you sculpting it with a spoon and butter knife..." Yuffie laughed with him, remembering.

"Then Cid came along and took a huge spoonful of it. It was the ass, too. I was like 'there's nothing like a great piece of ass, right Cid?' and he chocked on it. I got him back for that, though." Tifa raised her head from her inspection of pink nail polish.

"How **did **you get back at him? He usually rants and raves about your revenge tactics." Elena nodded her head in agreement. He wondered just what, and how often, they used 'revenge tactics'.

"Well, I just so happened to get his credit card number and purchase the Great Wutaian Challenge with it and had it delivered to his workshop. He opened it in front of all these young guys...he had to run out of there before they saw it!"

Elena and Tifa both guffawed, wheezing when they ran out of breath. Tseng just looked confused. He turned to Yuffie, raising an eyebrow.

"What is the 'Great Wutaian Challenge'?" Yuffie giggled, while the other two women fell over laughing again.

"It's a fifteen inch dildo that's three inches thick."

"They make them that big?" His other eyebrow had joined the first one, and he had the feeling that they were more amused by his reaction than by her giving it to Cid.

"Bigger. There's one that's like, three feet long."

"What...how can they even USE one that large?"

"It's not like they stick the whole thing in, Tseng. Just however much their loosey-goosey-vagina can take. Don't know how they let themselves get that way. Haven't they ever heard of Kegals?"

"Now, I'm not so sure Kegals do any good in that situation, Yuffie." Elena put in. "I mean, if you have bladder problems, yeah they help, but if you're that loose nothing can help." Yuffie turned her head to the side, thinking.

"They help the guy feel good during sex though, right?" She said in response.

"No, they don't." Tseng added, earning curious looks from all three. "Believe me when I tell you that having your penis squeezed that hard hurts more than anything else."

"But what if the guy's a masochist?" Tifa asked.

"More power to him. I like to enjoy sex, not wait to feel pain during it."

"Ha! A little bit of pain is okay. A little bit. An overzealous bite on the neck is okay." Tifa received another raised eyebrow, which made her giggle.

"No way am I into pain." Yuffie shook her head vigorously. "But, I love it when the guy grabs your hips and tries to just get deeper inside and you can feel his nails digging in slightly."

"Oh my gawd, I love that too!" Tifa said. Elena nodded in agreement. "It's like they just can't get enough of you."

"I know!" Elena chirped. "That gets me off so fast." Tifa agreed, but Yuffie didn't, surprisingly. Tseng was once again amazed at their subject matter. He had always thought women talked about nails and clothes and hair and shoes, not sex and their preferences during it. "You don't get off on it, Yuffie?"

"I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's not what'll just get me off like nobody's business."

"So what is?" Elena leaned forward, hands supporting her chin. She looked like she was eager for an answer.

"When he cums. I don't care if I've had three orgasms, I'll get another one when he cums. It's like, he's lost all rational thought because of me, and the way a man thrusts while he does it..." He felt her shiver slightly. "That is just the best."

"Any one position better than another?" Tifa asked, grimacing at a stroke of pink on her toe. Elena grabbed what looked like a pen and handed it to her. Tifa smiled her thanks and proceeded to rub the pen on the offending nail polish.

"Any of 'em."

Tseng decided to change the subject.

"What are you doing, Tifa?"

"Getting the nail polish off my skin."

"With a pen?" Tifa looked up at him with a small smile.

"It's nail polish remover. Kind of like a pen, but you use it to make sure you don't mess up the polish where it's SUPPOSED to be."

"You should just get a pedicure, Tifa. You don't have to deal with all that yourself." Yuffie said.

"No way! I don't like anyone touching my feet."

"You let Cloud touch them."

"Grudgingly. Doesn't mean I like it."

"Good point."

_**There you go! Now, lets all take a trip to Review Land, where people that read this story give reviews about it! YAY! **_

_**Tagg**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**YES! Here is the newest chapter of The Sleepover Series! I love this one too! The girls and Tseng have their lines in italics, and the rest have their lines in regular font. You'll see why in a little bit as you read. Enjoy this, and I hope you laugh as much as I did!**_

_**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them. **_

"Lucky bastard...wonder what they're doing to him..." Reno was staring at the ceiling, trying to develop x-ray vision but failing miserably. Rude just shook his head in answer. Elena had abandoned them for the little sleepover going on upstairs. Reno felt slightly betrayed at that, but she was female, and girls always stuck together.

"You should wonder what they are not doing to him, Reno." Reno looked over at Vincent in shock. The man was usually silent, the only one getting him to talk was Yuffie. No one knew how or why that was, but neither party was going to tell anyone else. Reno noticed Reeve and Cloud nodding their heads. They looked like little bobble head dolls, both sitting there with their newspapers and nodding. He gave Vincent a dark look.

"What do you know that we," he gestured around the room, "don't, Vincent?"

"Nothing. But I would imagine he is not wishing to escape any time soon."

"Nope. Not buying that shit. You know something. Spill it." Vincent looked up from his book, the cover of which matched his cape exactly, and gave Reno an expressionless stare. His gaze was enough to frighten anyone off but Yuffie. Reno looked away quickly. It just wasn't right to have a staring contest with a guy that had four demons in his head. Reno resumed staring at the ceiling. Then he got a thought. The thought made him jump up from his chair and punch the air in victory.

"What?" Rude asked.

"Rude, man, know what we have in our bags?"

"Besides clothes and cigarettes?"

"Yeah, besides that."

"What?"

"A SPYBOT THAT'S WHAT!"

"Spybot?" Cloud looked up, curious. Reeve smiled, it was the same smile Yuffie got when she was going to prank someone. It was the reason they got on so well together as friends. There was no safe haven when Yuffie and Reeve were plotting something.

"A machine that scales walls and has a miniature camera on it. Transmits video to a laptop so you can watch it. Why didn't you say anything about it before?" Reeve gave the two other Turks a piercing look, which Rude grunted at and Reno scoffed.

"Gimme a break, Reeve. We're on vacation! Your brain's not supposed to work on a fucking vacation." With that he ran up the stairs, returning quickly with a bag and a laptop computer. He and Rude began pulling out wires and antennas and batteries and such. A surge protector made it's home in one of the outlets, having turned one lamp out of it's place to be there. A wire was plugged into what looked like an eight legged insect, barely the size of Reno's palm. This cord was coiled, most likely several hundred feet long. "Glad we brought all this along, partner." Rude nodded, putting a battery in the 'insect' while Reno got the computer up and ready for its task. "Alright, let's test this baby out..." A few switches and buttons later, there was an image on the screen from the spybot's camera. It showed the fabric of the curtains in perfect detail.

"Ready?" Reno nodded gleefully, sitting down on the floor. The other men in the room gathered round him, including Vincent, who stayed near the back instead of fighting for a front row seat. Rude set the small robot on the window sill, a power cord attached to its battery, and Reno used a joystick to make it move. The images in the camera were moving quickly, much more quickly than anyone thought it would. "Should be there now."

"Let's see...I think this's it..." Reno steered the robot over to a window, hearing giggling that could be nothing other than the girls nearby. He inched it closer, finding the room dark. Movement caught their attention, but they couldn't see what it was in the dark. "Okay...night vision time..."

"GAH!" Everyone recoiled at what they saw. A man, middle aged and morbidly obese, was standing naked beside his bed, doing the Macarena.

Reno hurriedly moved the spybot away from the sight while the other's saved their vision from the horrid sight. He, unlike the others, didn't have the luxury of looking away. He had to see where he was steering the robot. The next window, which was conveniently open, with the drapes pulled back, held a much more enticing scene.

There were the girls, Elena and Tifa on one bed, while Tseng was laying face down on the other, his back straddled by Yuffie, who was giving him a massage. Several heads shook, Reno's included, at Tseng's position. What Vincent said was true, he really didn't seem to want to escape any time soon. Yuffie patted his back then.

_"Feeling good, Tseng?" _ She asked, her head to one side like a bird.

_"Yes, thank you." _ Yuffie waited until she had put the lid back on the bottle of massage oil before getting off of him. He sat up, stretching slightly. Yuffie knelt behind him, putting her head on his shoulder and both arms around his neck.

_"Is there something else you want? Cookies already dunked in milk? I'm a great cookie dunker!" _

_"No, thank you, not right now."_ Tseng brought a hand up to try and pull Yuffie's arms away from his neck, but it wasn't meant to be. She tightened her grip, leaning up so that her cheek was against his.

_"Please? You're our spider hero!"_ Tifa looked up and cheered along with Elena. _ "Come on, what else you want, Hero?" _

_"If I said what I wanted right this second, I have a feeling you would drown me in the toilet."_ The girls laughed.

Reno grinned widely and nodded, while Cloud and Reeve both did the same thing. Rude was silent as always, but his attention was riveted on the screen before them along with Cid, Barrett and Vincent in the background. Vincent was perched on the top of the nearest chair, somehow balancing on it.

Yuffie had taken Tseng's hand in her own and was inspecting it.

_"HEY! Let us fix your nails!" _ The face Tseng made caused the audience to laugh uproariously.

_"You are not painting my nails bright pink..."_ Reno guffawed at the thought of Tseng with pink nails.

"Not pink! Geeze...it'd be purple! I'm kidding! Really, your cuticles are all messed up..." Tifa got up to inspect them as well, Elena just grinned at the man across from her. Tseng looked like a piece of livestock brought to market with the way they were inspecting his hands.

_"Okay! It's decided!"_ Tifa said, grabbing the bag that had been beside her on the other bed. She fished around in it for a minute, then emerged with a large pink file. She looked around for a moment, frowning. _"Hey, guys, let's put both the beds together. We'll all fit on it then!" _

"Holy shit, this is like a porno movie in the making..." Cid said, passing a cigarette to Reno without looking away. Reno took it, lighting it quickly and passing his lighter along to Cid.

_"Yeah!"_ Yuffie said, jumping up from her seat. Elena did the same thing. She and Tifa went to the bed they had sat on before while Yuffie and Tseng went to the side of the one they had been occupying. They pushed the beds together quickly, making sure they were even before Yuffie and Elena both jumped on them, bouncing several times before Tifa did the same thing, making the other two women bounce again. Tseng hesitantly sat down on the edge, only to be grabbed by all three and dragged to the middle so that he was surrounded.

Tifa then sat in front of him, filing away with her large pink nail file while Elena was doing the same for Yuffie, who had her feet in the air, swaying back and forth slightly.

_"Hey, Lena?" _Elena looked up from her filing at Yuffie_. "You ever sleep with any Turkey sides Tseng here?" _

_"No! Isn't it a bad idea to sleep with ALL of you co-workers?" _

_"Yeah, but I was just curious. What about Reeve? He's not a Turk." _

_"Nope." _

_"I wonder if he's any good in bed...I bet he is." _

Reeve's eyes widened slightly, and he turned to Cloud questioningly. Cloud patted his shoulder, and went back to watching the scene.

_"Speaking from experience, Yuffie?"_ Elena said, teasing the younger woman.

_"NO. He's pretty hot though, you gotta admit. He's totally ripped under those clothes." _ The other three occupants all looked at her for a moment. _"What? We go swimming! Like you wouldn't look at some guy with great abs at a beach."_

_"Very true." _

_"What about you, Tseng?" _ Tifa asked, still intent on his hands. _"You sleep with any of your co-workers?" _

_"Elena's the only female co-worker I have..." _

_"Well, you could be bi or something."_ Tseng's face contorted into an expression of disgust and horror.

Reno and Rude nearly fell over from laughing. Reno wiped tears from his eyes, while Rude removed his sunglasses. All the men turned to look at him but Reno. Rude always wore his sunglasses.

"What?" He asked. They all shook their heads and went back to the screen.

_"I'm not gay, thank you very much." _

_"Are any of the others fruits?"_ Yuffie asked.

_"No."_

_"Not even Rufus?"_ Elena and Tifa giggled at that. _"I bet he's gay. No man can have hair that beautiful and be straight. I bet he likes to be the bitch, too." _ They all laughed.

The men laughed as well. Reno had mental images of Rufus, pants around his ankles and a ball gag in his mouth, on his knees, begging to be whipped by a butch man wearing leather chaps with no pants, partially horrify and amuse him.

_"What about AVALANCHE? Are any of them gay?"_ Elena asked.

_"Not that we know of...but they do spend an awful lot of time alone together in their rooms. Even on the Highwind, when I went to ask where the extra soap was, they all glared at me while hiding something under coats." _ Tifa shook her head at the memory.

_"Did you sleep with anyone in AVALANCHE besides Cloud, Tifa?" _

_"Nope. Just him." _

_"Really? You and Barrett seem so close." _

_"It's a brother and sister thing, you know?" _ Elena and Yuffie nodded their heads in understanding while Tseng continued to watch what Tifa was doing to his nails.

"Look at Tseng's face! It's like he's waiting for them to grow a second head and eat him!" Cloud said, pointing at the screen. Reno batted his finger away, glaring at him for obstructing the view.

_"What about you, Yuffie?"_ Elena asked. Yuffie grinned at them before answering.

_"Yep."_

_"Oh my gawd, who?" _

Cloud, Cid, Barret and Reeve were all looking suspiciously from one to another, trying to find out who it was that slept with Yuffie and had never said anything about it. Reno and Rude were looking for a moment too, but they flagged the others to go back to watching.

_"Vinnie."_

Every male eye in the room turned to Vincent Valentine, perched on the back of his chair as calm as he could be. He met their glares with his usual impassive stare.

"Yes?" He said. Reeve's jaw was working but no sound was coming out of it, while Cid swore under his breath. Barret joined him and thus began an impromptu creative cursing contest held in whispers. Cloud was just staring at him in shock. Rude looked slightly envious.

"Wait a minute!" Reno said, practically yelling. "You got a piece of that and DIDN'T tell us? You dipshit..." Vincent raised an eyebrow at him.

"I am not accustomed to sharing such things. They are private and thus not for general discussion."

"You still shoulda told us, Vampire." Cid said, Reno nodding vehemently. They went back to the screen, eager to hear more.

"Would it irritate you to know that it was more than once?" Vincent said into the silence. All of the heads dropped into at least one hand. Vincent had a very small smile on his face behind the collar of his cape.

_"Are you serious, Yuffie! Vincent?"_ Yuffie nodded, Elena and Tseng momentarily stunned. _ "He's got demons in his head...was he alright?"_

_"What, like turning into Chaos in the middle of sex? No. No demons partook of that." _

_"Well, what was it like then?" _

_"He's really gentle, actually. It's so great to have a guy that won't just rip off your clothes and go in for a fuck fest. He was genuinely interested in my comfort and pleasure." _

_"Awww, who'd have thought Vincent to be like that?" _Tifa said, smiling down at Tseng's hands as she continued to file them.

_"I never would have." _Elena smiled at Yuffie, who was still grinning. _"But, you never said if he was any good or not. Just gentle." _She raised an eyebrow at Yuffie. Yuffie returned the expression before answering.

_"I wouldn't spend three nights in his bed if he wasn't." _

Reno was glaring red-hot daggers at Vincent, who still sat atop his chair, ignoring the looks AVALANCHE was sending him along with Reno's. The situation was nothing but amusing to him, but the others couldn't see his smile behind the cape. He once again waited for them to go back to the screen before speaking.

"And three days." Rude had to hold Reno back by the collar of his shirt to keep him from attacking Vincent.

"Rub it in, why don't you?" Reeve said, the other's nodding. Vincent chuckled quietly.

_"...anything unusual?" _Elena said.

_"Not really. He does tend to use 'colorful language in the heat of his passion'." _The girls laughed while Tseng just looked on, bemused.

_"That's like a line from a cheesy romance novel!"  
_

_"Oh, don't forget about his 'manhood throbbing with desire to plunge into the depths of the pleasure cave betwixt her legs'. Gawd, where do they come up with those lines?" _Tifa said, laughing along with the other girls. Tseng looked up at the girls finally.

_"You mean to tell me that people actually write that kind of drivel?" _He said, torn between amusement and disgust. _"And that you read it?" _

_"Um, yeah? There's some good fantasy scenes in those things. What girl DOESN'T want to be kidnapped by the roguishly handsome sultan who_ _just happens to be tall, muscular and has a 'truly masterful erection' for most of the book? They always end up pampered as a princess, the only thing they have to do is fuck a guy that's incredibly hot and they both end up in love and live happily ever after." _Tifa and Yuffie nodded agreement with Elena.

_"I like the ones where they say how it's all erotic riding a chocobo bareback. Have they ever tried that? It hurts like a bitch!" _Yuffie made a face along with her statement that showed just what she thought of that idea.

_"Or the ones that have all the sex scenes in water. That doesn't work AT ALL." _Tifa shook her head along with the girls. _"Sure skinny dipping is fun foreplay and all, but sex in the water...can we say 'no lubrication'?" _

_"NO LUBRICATION!"_ Yuffie and Elena said in unison like cheerleaders, both throwing one fist in the air. Tseng closed his eyes and shook his head silently.

"What I wouldn't give for those three to be in some skimpy ass cheerleader outfits..." Cid was shaking his head, fumbling around for another cigarette. Reno blindly handed his pack over to him. Cid nodded in thanks.

"No problem."

_"You're in water. How can there be no lubrication?" _Tseng asked finally. Reno and the rest were relieved to hear that question be asked. Hot tubs were one of every man's favorite fantasies.

_"See, Tseng, it's better for you when a girl's all wet, right?" _He nodded at Yuffie to continue. _"Water takes away that 'slick' wet and replaces it with the equivalent of toothpaste. Not at all comfortable." _

_"Not to mention the mud and all the little creatures that like to 'investigate' if you're in a pond or lake." _The girls shuddered dramatically at Tifa's statement.

_"Wait, I thought you liked mud wrestling?" _Tseng said.

_"We do. There's a difference between the mud used for wrestling and mud with little insects and stuff living in it." _Tifa said in answer.

_"We haven't done that in a while, guys. We need to get payback on you, Tifa." _Tseng raised a silent eyebrow at Yuffie to explain. _"See, it takes both me and 'Lena here to take Tifa down in a match, and that's if we're lucky! She can pin us both at the same time!" _

"Rude, when this is done, find every single place that does mud wrestling here." Rude nodded, jotting a note to himself down before going back to the screen. He had no problem following Reno's orders if they made sense.

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I wonder if I should include a mud-wrestling scene...we'll see! Review you guys! You take the time to read it! Hit the little 'GO!' button and make me a happy Tagg!**

**Tagg**


	4. Chapter 4

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, here's the next chapter of The Sleepover Series! This one is longer than the others, but it's SO damn funny. I had a great time with this chapter. You'll love it! You really will. Okay, on to the disclaimer. **

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I also don't own Moulon Rouge, Frankenstein, She-Ra, Skeletor, Armageddon or Gladiator. Hehe. Try and figure out what I used those for before you read this. **

_"I'm hungry, guys." _Yuffie said.

_"Me too." _Tifa nodded along with Elena.

_"Hungry for what? It's nearly midnight." _Tseng asked, curious.

_"We're hungry for YOU, Tseng!" _Yuffie giggled at his expression. _"No, I want something smothered in gravy. Although, you'd be fun to lick gravy off of, Tseng..." _Tseng went wide-eyed for a moment, then smiled slightly.

_"Gravy? PMSing much, Yuffie?" _Elena gave her a playful shove.

_"I don't crave stuff when I'm PMSing. I smell stuff that isn't there." _

_"Stuff?" _Tseng asked, one eyebrow raised. He seemed afraid of the answer he'd get.

_"Like, hotwings at three in the morning, or bacon. One time I smelled burnt cotton candy." _

_"BURNT cotton candy? How do you even know what that smells like?" _

_"No idea, but I smelled it one time. It's like a new form of PMS or something." _

"How the hell do you smell things that aren't there?" Cid asked, scratching his head. No one could answer him, so they stayed silent.

"At least we know why Yuffie was looking around the Highwind for melted chocolate easter bunnies stuffed with pistachio flavored marshmallows that one time." AVALANCHE nodded, but Reno turned to stare at them.

"She smelled WHAT?"

"Melted chocolate easter bunnies stuffed with pistachio flavored marshmallows." Cloud repeated.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." Reno went back to watching the screen.

_"When's the food gunna get here, Tifa? I'm starvating!" _

_"They said around twenty minutes." _Tifa was setting a cell phone on a side table while she talked. _"They've never had an order quite like that, so I think it'll take a little while for it to sink in." _

_"What's so odd about Southern Fried Chicken Pizza with gravy instead of marinara sauce?" _

"That..." Barret said, rubbing his chin. "...don't sound too bad, actually." A chorus of 'yeah' answered his statement.

_"I think it was the side order of coleslaw with apple jelly in it that got to them." _

_"HEY! You're the one who ordered mashed potatoes, only slightly mashed but with no big chunks, with peas already mixed in it! I hate peas!" _ Yuffie had wrinkled her nose at the thought of the round green vegetable.

_"Come on, it's not that bad! Sides, Elena got barbecue sauce to pour over her sweet potatoes!" _Elena smiled and nodded enthusiastically. _"And Tseng ordered MILK to drink, of all things!" _

_"I happen to like milk, thank you." _

_"With Southern Fried Chicken Pizza?" _

_"Two words, Tseng: EW, and GROSS!" _

_"I'm sure you eat or drink nothing that's out of the ordinary, Yuffie." _

_"Nope! I'm perfectly normal!" _

_'cough-bullshit-cough' _Yuffie sent a mock glare at Tifa and Elena, who both had a 'coughing fit' at the same time.

_"What do I eat that's weird?" _

_"Well, you ARE the only person I know that can even MAKE a grape pie, let alone EAT it." _

_"Grape pie? You make grape pie? How is that possible?" _Yuffie transferred her mock glare to Tseng, who winced at seeing it. She smiled then, crawling over to him and laying her head on his shoulder.

_"It's a secret. I could tell you, but I'd have to kiss you." _Tseng thought about that for a moment, then raised one hand, index finger out and ready to make a point and mouth open to speak when he paused and lowered his hand. He thought about her words some more before speaking. The girls were all snickering at him.

_"I fail to see how that's a threat..." _

"Tseng, you fucking idiot, that's an open invitation." Reno put his head in his hand, shaking it at the same time. Rude just sighed along with the rest of the room.

_"Tell me how you make grape pie, Yuffie." _Yuffie got on her knees and whispered into Tseng's ear with cupped hands for a few moments. She was grinning when she pulled away, holding a finger to her lips to indicate that it was a secret. _"Are you serious?" _Yuffie nodded.

_"Now I have to kiss you, cause you know my secret and I can't just let you know it and blab it to the world." _

_"WAIT! We're not ready yet! Just a sec!" _Tifa yelled, her and Elena both rummaging through bags for something. Elena gave a triumphant squeak and held two sparklers in her hands. Tifa squeaked a moment later, holding up a small device in her hand. She hit a few buttons, biting her tongue slightly as she did so. _"OKAY! Ready!" _Elena ran behind Tseng and Yuffie , hiding behind them both, lit sparklers in hand. She held them just over and behind their heads.

Tseng had no time to remark on the odd behavior of the women. He was being quite thoroughly kissed by Yuffie, her lips and tongue demanding and getting his attention. He was vaguely aware of a clicking sound and a minimal flash of light, but he ignored it. Tseng stared at Yuffie for a moment when she pulled away, willing her to continue the kiss but knowing she wouldn't.

"Vincent." The man looked over at Reno mildly. "Aren't you jealous or upset? She's playing tonsil hockey with Tseng and you're just sitting there like a fucking rock."

"I have no claim on Yuffie beyond friendship. Why would I be upset about her kissing someone?"

"Cause it isn't you?" Reno said it as though it were a well known idea.

"We are not a couple, Reno. If Yuffie wishes to have my attention she will have it with no complaint on my part."

"You are SO weird, Vincent...I'd be up there trying to slit his damn throat if I were you."

"Again, I hold no claim on her."

"But don't you WANT a claim?" Vincent was about to respond, but Cid beat him to it.

"Shut the hell up! You're turning this into some kinda damn soap opera!"

_"...awesome picture! This is the best one EVER!" _The three women were all crowded around Tseng, looking at a Polaroid picture.

_"You make a habit of doing that? Here I thought I was special." _

_"You ARE special, Tseng!" _Yuffie managed to get into his lap and hug him around the neck. _"You saved us, and you're here with us and having fun and not freaking out and you're a great kisser and you are so special! But not short bus special." _

_"Here, Tseng." T_ifa handed him a small pile of Polaroids which he leafed though one handed, his other hand was occupied with holding onto Yuffie. _"This is the best one besides the one we just took." _

_"I'm not sure if I should smile or be aroused." _

"What are those pictures of? Can you focus in on them, Reno?" Reeve asked. Reno shook his head.

"Angle's wrong."

"Damn..."

_"Why not be both?" _

_"Because I do not relish a case of blue balls, thank you." _

_"Like we'd let that happen..." _

A collective groan came from the lobby below. It was so loud the girls and Tseng all looked up at the sound. They stayed quiet until the girls went back to talking.

_"Must have been that creepy guy next door...anyways, we're not that cruel, Tseng!" _

_"Yuffie, you're sitting on my lap and I'm looking at pictures of the three of you kissing in the strangest settings. I said I'd rather not get a case of blue balls."_

"Pictures of them kissing? FUCK! I want to see 'em!" Reno whined.

"Me too. Damn his luck." Cid continued to curse under his breath.

_"...can get off you, if you're that bothered..." _Yuffie said with a pout and a movement as though she was going to get up.

_"I'd prefer you to stay where you are, actually." _

"Good man, Tseng." Cloud nodded his agreement with Reeve.

_"Hey, what should we do while we're waiting for the food, guys? I don't want to start the movie before we eat. Plus we need to get snacks and drinks for it too." _

_"We could play strip poker." _Elena offered.

All the men in the lobby leaned forward eagerly.

_"Aw, man, but I suck at poker!" _Yuffie said, which made the audience lean forward even more.

_"Tseng can be your partner, Yuffie. He's great at poker." _Elena offered, looking to Tseng for his approval. He nodded 'yes' which made Yuffie smile. _"I'll get the cards." _She rummaged in a bag once again, pulling out a deck of playing cards. She shuffled them expertly before dealing. Yuffie was still using Tseng as a chair so that he could easily see her hand. Tifa and Elena were stone faced, arranging their cards around while Tseng simply glanced at his and laid them down to look at Yuffie's hand. He whispered a few things to her then waited for the others to get ready. A few cards later, Tseng ended up the winner.

The girls groaned, but complied with the rules and removed articles of clothing. Elena removed a pair of fuzzy socks, Tifa removed her tank top and Yuffie stood up long enough to take off her pajama pants. She had on yellow bikini style panties that matched the color on her pajamas.

"I'm SO glad you Turks took a vacation at the same time and place as us..." Cloud said. Rude nodded along with Reno as they continued to watch the screen.

_"Why'd you take off your pants, Yuffie? I'd think the shirt would be less trouble." _

_"Nothing underneath it." _

_"Oh." _

"Tseng better win again, cause they ain't wearing much else." Barret said. They were interrupted by a delivery man walking in, carrying two large bags, and going up the stairs. A knock was heard in the room upstairs. The girls and Tseng looked up at the sound, dropping their cards on the beds. Yuffie got up from Tseng's lap to answer the door.

_"Delivery for Lockheart, one fried chicken pizza and...side orders...dessert...dear god..." _

_"YAY! Food's here, guys!" _Yuffie jumped up and down, cheering while the delivery man stared. He continued to stare as Tifa and Yuffie both grabbed a bag, Elena putting the deck of cards away. Tseng looked curiously at the pizza, ignoring the man at the door. _"Oh, wait, we need to pay the delivery guy!" _

Tifa threw a bag of gil at Yuffie, who counted it out and handed it to the dazed delivery man. He numbly took the gil in his hand, staring at Yuffie's sparse clothing and gulping. Yuffie blew him a kiss and shut the door, running eagerly back to the bed and the food.

It was several minutes before the men below heard the man go back down the stairs.

_"So, what movie are we gunna watch, guys?" _Yuffie said around a mouthful of pizza. She was working on her third slice already. The others were chewing so they couldn't answer right away.

_"What'd we get? Something we haven't seen lately, I hope." _Elena said, Tifa nodding as she licked the spoon from her mashed potatoes and peas.

"Cloud, you're one lucky bastard, you know that?" Everyone turned to look at Rude, who had used more words in a few seconds than at any other time they'd seen or heard.

"Yeah. You should see the way she eats ice cream...complete tease. Licks around the edge of the cone when it starts to drip, then all the way up and down."

"Shit. If that's how she eats ice cream, what does she do when giving you a blow job?" Reno asked, mostly to himself.

"If they start an orgy, you may find out, Reno." Vincent said. Reno spared him a brief glance.

"They start an orgy, I'm gunna be in it."

"It is a shame I am so much closer to the stairs than you." Vincent chuckled once again at the withering looks the men gave him.

_"Where'd you put the bag,Tifa?" _Yuffie asked, looking around the bedroom. She had finished her meal and was now contemplating dessert while looking for a bag.

_"I think it's under your bed, Yuffie." _

_"It is?" _Yuffie flipped over on her belly, head hanging near the floor as she searched for the missing bag. Her feet were up in the air as she inched lower to the floor. _"AH HA! FOUND IT!" _

The men below all sighed, unhappy that she had found the bag that quickly.

_"What'd we end up with this time?" _Elena asked, finishing off her sweet potatoes, licking a finger free of sauce. Yuffie took out several movies, scanning them before answering.

_"Well, let's see here...Beauty and the Beast..." _The women all squeeeeee-d at that and Tseng just looked scared at their reaction. _"...love that movie, we'll watch it later...here we go! We've got 'Cunt Munchers',..." _

"What?" Reno asked no one in particular.

_"...Moulon Spooge..." _

"What!" Barret asked.

_"...this looks funny, Wankenstein..." _

"What th'..." Reeve said.

_"...The Adventures of She-Ra and Skeletor's Rod of Power..."_

"..." Vincent quirked an eyebrow along with his silence.

_"...Moo Shoo Porkers III..." _

"Wha...porn? They're gunna watch...porn?" Cloud looked to Reeve, who nodded an affermative.

_"...and Armagetiton. Which one first?" _Yuffie looked up at her companions as though nothing was odd at all.

_"Moo Shoo Porkers I was good, but the second one sucked ass, literally." _Tifa made a face and Elena nodded.

"Did I just hear Tifa say 'it sucked ass'?" Cid asked?

"Yep." The room replied.

_"The thrid Moo Shoo isn't all that bad, but Armagetiton is much better." _Tseng said. The women, and the men in the lobby, looked at Tseng as though he had grown a second head. The man was calmly drinking the last of his milk under their scrutiny. _"It all depends on what you're look for in pornography. For hilarity, Wankenstein would be the path to choose." _

_"Tseng...you watch porn!" _Yuffie nearly squealed.

_"Yes. Why does that strike you as odd? It seems rather odd that the three of you watch it at all, let alone together." _

_"We watch it cause its funny as hell. We get the most ridiculous titles we can find. Some turn out hotter than the sun, but most just suck so bad you can't stop laughing long enough to get aroused." _

_"There are quite a few of those. One of the funnier ones is called 'Gladiator Eroticus'. My god, I've never seen such horrible dubbing in my life." _The girls all turned their heads to the side at the same time, making him chuckle. _"It was filmed in Romania, but dubbed over in English by voice actors that aren't native speakers." _

_"Why was it funny, Tseng?" _Elena asked, her head now back in its normal position.

_"The fact that they use dildos instead of swords to 'kill' their opponents." _Tifa and Yuffie both fell into fits of laughter at that. _"You should watch it and see if you're Great Wutain Challenge is in it." _

"-ulp-" Cid had somehow managed to swallow his cigarette at Tseng's words and was now coughing and choking. Barret had to hit him several times on the back before Cid spit it out and took a breath. "Thanks..."

"What was that all about?" Reno asked.

_**I hope you guys laughed as hard as I did at the porn names. Hehe. Anyways, no mud wrestling this chapter. I don't know if I can actually fit it in. Maybe if I make a sequel or something. YAY. Something to look forward to! **_

_**Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! **_

_**Did I mention REVIEW? **_

_**Tagg**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Here it is, the long awaited chapter of The Sleepover Series! There's a surprise ending of sorts. Nothing you couldn't guess on your own, but hey, I thought it added a great touch. Enjoy! **

**I don't own FF VII or Disney's Beauty and the Beast. **

"DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Reno was furiously typing away at the keyboard, trying to find out why the screen had turned into static. All of the men were still cursing, except for Vincent, who remained perched on his chair as though nothing were wrong.

The slumber party upstairs had been watching porn together, fast forwarding through most of the movie they had chosen. Moo Shoo Porkers III had been their selection for the night. Near the end of it, the girls had all looked at each other with a grin on their faces, turning that look onto Tseng before the screen became static. The men below had been cursing and ranting for the better part of an hour.

"I can't believe it. What at time to mess up, you fucking robot. I bet they're in the middle of an orgy right now, and we don't know!" Reno put his face in his hands. Reeve reached over and patted his shoulder sympathetically.

-------upstairs--------

"I can't believe you've never seen Beauty and the Beast, Tseng."

"Tifa, I hate to tell you this but most men don't watch Disney movies on their own initiative."

"Well, you're going to watch it with us! You'll love it!"

"Yep you will!" Yuffie chimed in.

"I wonder if the boys downstairs are through cursing. I've never heard a chorus of 'FUCK' before." Elean said, grinning. "That was a great idea, Tseng, letting them watch for a little while."

"Thank you. It's good to know genius is appreciated."

"YAAY! The movie's about to start! Get comfy everyone!" Tifa said, claiming a pillow and laying on her stomach at the foot of the bed. Elena did the same, both of them kicking their feet back and forth. Yuffie took the other two pillows in the room and plopped them down at the headboard, one on the bed itself and the other against the headboard.

"Don't you know how to share, Yuffie?" Yuffie grinned at him and plonked herself down on the pillows, making a show of getting comfortable. "Very well, if you won't share..." Tseng reached over and bodily picked Yuffie up, making her yelp in surprise. He then took her place, back and head against the higher pillow. Yuffie was deposited in his lap, facing away from him to see the television screen. "...I'll just take advantage of the fact that I'm stronger than you." She turned around to glare at him but quickly adjusted her position so that she was more comfortable. This, unfortunately for Tseng, made for a great deal of skin-on-skin contact. Yuffie was still without her pajama pants and he without a shirt. "You enjoy this, don't you?"

"Whatever do you mean, Tseng?" She asked, dripping sweetness. "Don't you like having me in your arms and lap?"

"I do. That's the problem. I like it too much."

"Well, as I always say, there's never too much of a good thing!"

"Quite flirting so loud! The movie's already started and you're missing the first song!"

Tseng, while enjoying his position, was not sure what to make of the movie they were watching. The lead character was a beautiful girl, but most animated women were beautiful. She ran around and sang songs from out of no where, with random people joining in.

The hunter, Gaston, was another story. He and his little friend were dancing and singing and holding each other in ways that no straight man would ever consider doing. Yuffie, who kept twisting around to see his face, giggled.

"What's with that face, Tseng?"

"Gaston is gay."

"WHAT!" All the girls yelled, looking at him. Elena paused the movie and went back to looking at him.

"He's gay. No man that dances with his ass shaking around in the air like that is straight. He only wants to marry Belle so no one will suspect other than his lover." They all blinked at him at the same time. Tseng tried admirably not to laugh at them. A few laughs escaped him, but otherwise he kept it to himself.

"Are you laughing at us?" Tifa asked.

"NO. No, you all blinked at the same time, like something from a cartoon. That's all." He was using the hand that was not wrapped around Yuffie to make placating gestures at the women before him.

"Oh, okay. But, do you really think he's gay?"

"Yes. Go to any gay bar and you'll see the same actions as Gaston's."

"Tseng?" Yuffie asked. He turned his head to look at her. "What were you doing in a gay bar to know that?" Her face was completely straight, not a hint of a grin or mischief. His face got red at what she was hinting at.

"I'm not gay!"

"Then why were you at one?"

"I had to go drag someone out of one. It wasn't by choice!"

"You went in DRAG! TSENG, I didn't know you swung that way!" Elena said, a hand covering her mouth.

"Tseng, you don't have to hide it from us, we understand. We would never hold it against you." Tifa got up from her stomach and sat beside him, patting his shoulder comfortingly. Elena was nodding.

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"I believe you, Tseng." Yuffie said, twisting around so that she could hug his neck. "A gay man wouldn't kiss me like you did before." Tseng wrapped both arms around Yuffie, glaring at Tifa and Elena over her head. "Although, you should kiss me again. Just to make sure." Tifa giggled behind one hand while Elena rolled her eyes dramatically before plopping back down to face the television again.

He complied, startling Yuffie with a kiss. He quickly forgot about the exact reason he was kissing her and that there were two other people in the room. Tseng was lost in her tongue and lips and the hair his hand found itself in. He was vaguely aware of a flash of light, but he dismissed it as unimportant. He reluctantly ended the kiss, the need for a full breath of air making itself known to him.

"Definitely not gay." Yuffie smiled at him, blushing slightly, before turning so that she could watch the movie the others had already started. Tseng was in a much better frame of mind to enjoy the movie now. The women were enthralled, singing along with all the songs without skipping a beat, and gasping or cheering at the events that transpired. The most amusing part he found to be the singing and dancing dinnerware.

"Oh! That bastard Gaston! Stabbing the Beast like that!" Elena said at the television. Tifa threw a balled up piece of paper at the screen. Yuffie seemed on the verge of tears.

Tseng would be the first to admit the ending was touching. He thought it was too late for the spell to be broken when, lo and behold, it was JUST in the nick of time that Belle said 'I love you'. Of course they all lived happily ever after.

"Oh, I love that movie! It still makes me cry at the end!" Yuffie said, wiping away tears that were on the verge of falling.

"I know! Couldn't you just 'squeeee' to death when they kiss for the first time?" Tifa said, bouncing with excitement.

"YES!" Elena and Yuffie nearly yelled.

"Squeee? What is a 'squeeee'?"

"It's the noise you make when you're really, really excited about something and words fail you. Like when a kitten tries to catch a butterfly."

"I have never made such a noise."

"You know, come to think of it, I've never heard a man 'squeeee' before. Have any of you?" Tifa asked. Heads were shook in the negative on all counts but Tseng's. "You've heard a man do that!"

"Yes."

"WHO!"

"The person I had to drag out of the gay bar. He made that noise when he saw me." Tseng shuddered at the memory, but refused to remember the biker men asking if he 'wanted something powerful between his legs' in any detail.

"Who was it, Tseng? You can tell us! We can't tell what happened here, same as you can't! Tell us! Please?" Yuffie was pleading with him, eyes wide and hopeful.

"...(coughcoughRufuscoughcough)...Something in my throat..."

"I knew it!" Elean said, jumping up to her feet on the bed. "I knew he was gay! To think he blamed his secretary when I found a pink pen with a poofy thing on the end of it in his desk!" Everyone fell over laughing, imaging Rufus smiling, using his pink pen to sign papers and orders while kicking his feet under his desk.

"Be thankful you never stumbled upon what he has in the closet in that office. I never want to see pink fishnet stockings again..."

**Did you like it? Did you imagine the girls 'squeeeing' and see Rufus with his little pink pen? I can't get that image out of my head. Hehe. Thanks for reading! **

**Tagg**


	6. Chapter 6

**An update! I've been busy with Dirge of Cerberus lately, so sorry for no updates. I've got a fun chapter after this one, which includes more Rufus and then fun for Tseng and the girls. **

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them for my own amusement. **

The morning sun woke Tseng up, making him blink several times to adjust his sight. He was oddly comfortable, even if he was laying on his back. An odd weight was on his chest, shoulder and leg. He was trying to think of why this was when he found his hands were wrapped around a very female body. A body whose shirt was ridding up and allowing his hands to rest on skin rather than fabric. A mass of black hair confirmed that it was Yuffie in bed with him, her laying on half of his body.

He felt no obligation to move her, so he looked around the room. It was the room from last night, the pizza box and pornography testament to the nights activities. When he looked to his right, however, he found both Tifa and Elena sleeping. In the same bed he and Yuffie were in. All of them were under the covers, which, thankfully were still attached to the two beds so they weren't in any danger of unwanted bodily contact.

Tseng was almost afraid to move, lest he wake one of the women. It was unfortunate that the sun was painfully shining in his eyes even with them closed. He finally couldn't stand it any more and carefully got out of the bed, gently setting Yuffie down on the mattress. After glaring outside for a moment, he shut the curtains, blocking the suns rays. A small yet triumphant smile was on his face from mucking up the sun's plans on waking the world early.

He nearly yelped when arms wrapped around him from behind and a head came to rest against his back.

"Tseng, why're you up..." The voice, slurred with sleep, belonged to Yuffie. Tseng sighed with relief and placed a hand over hers without even thinking about it.

"The sun was in my eyes."

"Oh. It got cold when you left."

"It would be warmer under the blankets than out here, Yuffie."

"Wanna stay with you." Tseng smiled at her childish words, then turned around. He steered Yuffie backwards to 'their' side of the bed because she refused to let go of him to be turned around. Once under the covers, Tseng found her once again laying on half of his body. The only difference was that her hair was now in his face. He brushed it aside before settling down and letting sleep overtake him again.

-----Later that morning-----

"TSENG!" Tseng looked up from his paper, sipping his coffee. Reno was stalking over to him, most of the others following behind him. "TSENG, I DEMAND YOU TELL US WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!"

"There are people trying to eat, Reno. Quiet down."

"Fine! But I want details." Reno took a seat in front of him, the others fanning out around them, taking chairs from nearby tables. The servers from the inn glared at them but said nothing. No one argued with people that carried that many weapons.

"No."

"WHAT! It's against the Men's Code to keep secrets like that!"

"That's something you made up, Reno, and lower your voice."

"I don't care!"

"Reno."

"What!"

"Go away. I can't enjoy my coffee with you yelling like that." Tseng was about to take another sip of the hot liquid when Reno yanked it out of his hands and slammed it on the table. He glared at the red-haired man before him, thinking about scalping him.

"Your coffee be damned!"

"Reno. I'm not telling you what happened. Get over it."

"But-"

"But nothing. Even if I wanted to tell you, do you have any idea what those women would do to me if I told?" Reno shook his head 'no' and was about to say something but Tseng cut him off. "Part of the threat includes a bikini waxing, and another part includes itching powder in underwear. Not to mention an ear of corn. Think about what that would be used for."

Every face in the group became frightened, and for good reason.

"Good morning, everyone!" The others turned to look at Tifa, Yuffie and Elena with the same frightened expressions. "What?" Tifa asked. Yuffie narrowed her eyes at the men before her. She made her way over to Tseng and wrapped an arm around his neck while leaning over so that her eyes were even with his.

"You aren't trying to pry anything out of Tseng, are you?" Tseng kept his face calm while sipping his coffee. He was very careful to keep it from dripping on Yuffie's arm.

"NO!" Everyone stood up at the same moment, chairs making a racket as the slid back on the floor. Most of them blabbed something about 'going out for breakfast' and ran. Reeve managed to walk out of the room with a semblance of dignity before breaking for the door of the inn.

"Is that how you defeated Sephiroth?" Tseng asked, looking up at Yuffie curiously.

"Nah. That was just a good old fashioned ass-kicking. What's for breakfast?"

"I haven't ordered anything yet."

"Ohhh, let's get crepes!" Elena said, looking at the menu. Tifa and Yuffie both squealed at the idea but Tseng cringed slightly. "You don't like crepes, Tseng?"

"No. I'll have an omelet."

"Your loss. Crepes are so yummy!" Elena clapped her hands together with excitement.

"I hope all of you enjoy them." Tseng said, having more coffee. "Why do women love crepes so much?"

"It has carbs, fruit, sugar and whipped cream. That's why." Tifa said, ticking each ingredient off on a finger. Tseng blinked at her rationalization.

"That doesn't explain why women love them."

"Well, why do men love beer?"

"Because it's beer."

"Women love crepes because they're crepes."

"That's a good point."

"Hey, Tseng?" Yuffie asked. She continued when he looked over at her. "Were the guys trying to get you to talk?"

"Yes. But I know better than to say anything."

"We do think of great threats, don't we?"

"Yes, but that's not the reason I didn't tell them."

"Then why?"

"I enjoyed myself last night, even though I was frightened half of the time."

"Aww, really Tseng? You really had a good time?" The three women were all looking at him with eyes so wide he couldn't help but smile.

"Yes."

"You're sure it isn't all just waking up with Yuffie half naked next to you?" Tifa asked.

"That has something to do with it."

"Hey, I had a great thought in the shower this morning." Yuffie said, earning giggles from her friends and a grin from Tseng.

"If it included me in there with you, I'm all ears." He said.

"No, but that can easily happen." Tseng blinked at her before drinking more coffee. "Do you and Elena think you can get Rufus to go to The Lotus back in Edge sometime?" He and Elena looked at each other, nodding.

"Why?"

"There's someone I want him to meet from Wutai. I'll bring him along next time I'm there. We can leave Rude and Reno to babysit them after that."

"Alright. I take it I'm going somewhere with the three of you, then?" The women nodded, smiling. They were about to tell him where when the waiter arrived and took their orders. "So where, exactly, are we going to go in Edge?"

"A sports bar called Humdinger's."

"So long as it isn't a gay sports bar."

"But, you get gay men looking at you no matter where you are, Tseng. Women aren't the only ones who think you're hot. Don't worry about them, though, I'll beat them off with a golf putter." Yuffie said, winking at him.

"If they're women, I'd much rather watch you wrestle them to the ground."

"I'll make sure I'm wearing something skimpy, then."

"A mini-skirt would be nice."

**WOO! I'm working on the next chapter, so look for it sometime in the next week or so. Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Taggy**


	7. Chapter 7

**It's pretty sad when I sit here and giggle about how funny I am. SO, here's the next chapter, as promised! This one is long, and funny and has SMUFF at the end! Not too much though, just a small snipit of it. Enjoy!**

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters.**

"Going here was an excellent idea, Elena."

"I can't help what I'm craving, sir. I'm just glad you agreed. I hate take out."

"Do you really?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you like take out, Tseng?"

"It depends on where it's from. I would prefer The Lotus over any of the other restaurant." They were being lead by a crisply dressed host and bowed to their table. There were no chairs in the restaurant. Large silk cushions were used in place of chairs at the low tables. Beautifully painted scrolls and delicately carved wooden screens lined the walls while a woman dressed in a kimono played a stringed instrument. Tseng was impressed every time he entered the restaurant. It was a perfect representation of Wutai before it had become a tourist haven. "Then again, there is nothing like a genuinely cooked meal from a native. This is as close as you can get outside Wutai."

"Oh?" Said Rufus, watching another kimono clad woman pour them tea. "And where, pray tell, do you get such meals? Do you get Ms. Kisaragi to make them for you?"

"No. Why would I?"

"The way I hear it, you've gotten close to the little ninja." Elena coughed and shook her head slightly, letting Tseng know that she hadn't told him. Rufus had told him more than once it was a shame he wasn't at least bi-curious. For some reason, he had trusted Tseng with the knowledge of his being gay. It made sense in a way though. Rufus needed someone who knew and could be trusted to keep it a secret. There would be no late night trips to the 'bar', as Rufus called it, else.

"That may be true, sir, but I have yet to enjoy a meal Yuffie has made."

"Who speaks the name of the White Rose of Wutai?" The whole table turned to see who was speaking. They found her at the next table, smiling and waving at them. Yuffie was elegantly dressed in a traditional kimono, fitting right in with the decorations, but making it seem more like a palace than a restaurant. Tseng was surprised, and stared at her until Elena hit his foot with one of her own. He chanced another look at Yuffie, who gave him a grin.

"That would be me, Ms. Kisaragi."

"Well, if it isn't Rufus and the Turks! Fancy meeting you here! Oh, this is my friend, Sieji." She was pointing at a man sitting next to her. He was also dressed in traditional clothes, and almost gave Yuffie a run for her money in looks. While not overly feminine, he had a beauty that many women would envy. Long elegant fingers were carefully pouring tea for Yuffie, so he could not look up completely, but he offered a small smile to the people at the next table.

It was Rufus who was staring at the next table now. Tseng had to tap his shoe with one finger to get him to stop. He looked over at him, and Tseng mouthed the words 'You were staring.' before he could receive a glare. Rufus returned his attention to Yuffie and Sieji, this time wearing a smile that could and did melt many hearts.

"It would be wonderful if the two of you could join us. Then we won't have to speak across two tables." Yuffie and her companion shared a look, then nodded, joining Rufus and the others. It somehow ended up being Sieji that sat next to Rufus, with Yuffie and Elena next to Tseng. Yuffie grinned widely and winked at them.

"A pleasure to meet you, Rufus-san. Could you introduce me to your companions?"

"Oh, yes, of course. This is Elena, " Elena smiled at him over her tea. "And this is Tseng." Tseng nodded at him, and received a slightly raised eyebrow and a long glance before going back to Rufus, wearing a gentle smile.

"Pleased to meet you. Thank you for inviting us to join you. I had no idea Yuffie-chan had such charming friends."

"Only the best for me, Sieji, you know that." Sieji turned to his friend and smiled.

"Of course. But, you must forgive me for asking this, Rufus-san. Who was it that butchered your hair like that? I can not believe you would allow it."

"This?" Rufus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It looked perfect to everyone else at the table, but apparently he and Sieji had a better eye for good hair cuts. "My stylist was out with the flu, and a temp had to do it. I had a meeting in an hour, and I couldn't go without getting it cut. Normally, I have Jullian cut it."

"Jullian Stephens? He's a wonder. I do wish I lived closer to Edge. I miss luncheons with him." Sieji lifted a hand to brush one perfect lock of hair out of his eyes, but it fell back to its place almost immediately.

"You know him? I can't believe he never told me about you. Are you a client?" Rufus was giving his new friend an almost dreamy look.

"No. I cut my own hair, but Jullian and I are old friends."

"YOU cut your hair? Amazing. I could never hope to do that. I'd butcher it worse than the temp did."

"It takes a great deal of practice. While I would never infringe upon Jullian's clients, it would be such a relief to give you a proper cut. Perhaps after we eat?"

"That would be wonderful. I haven't bothered Jullian about it, seeing as he was so ill and sent me flowers as an apology for not being there. Is there a store open where you can get supplies?"

"I have them with me." Everyone at the table gave him a wide eyed look. "I was walking through Edge last year, and happened to look in a store window. There were two hairs half an inch longer than the others. I had a horrid time finding decent shears to fix it, so I keep them with me. You have an excellent tailor, Rufus-san. Might I have his name?"

"Of course!"

The conversation for Rufus and Sieji continued, subtle flirting masked behind social graces. The two men were enraptured with each other, leaving the others to themselves.

"My gawd, Yuffie! Where did you find that guy?" Elena asked quietly, while Yuffie poured them more tea.

"He's my best friend back home. The one that does my hair and make-up when I have to dress up."

"Wow. He's gorgeous! Almost a waste of a man, being gay."

"He has two sons back home with an old girlfriend, before he 'came out'. There won't be a shortage of beautiful men in the world." Yuffie cast Tseng a glance before going on. "Tseng should have children, too. That way, they'll meet up and be the most beautiful couple in the world."

"While I appreciate the compliment, I will not have children for the sake of giving the world beautiful people."

"Oh, come now, Tseng-san!" Tseng almost choked on his tea when Sieji addressed him. Rufus was smiling at him along with Sieji. "You and Yuffie-chan would have SUCH beautiful children together. If my own sons were not perfectly adorable I would say your children would outshine them." Tseng turned bright red, which amused Rufus, while Yuffie 'squeee'ed and hugged her friend.

"Aw, that's so sweet, Sieji! Saying I'll have pretty children."

"I do believe I said 'beautiful', Yuffie-chan. And I would fancy Elena-san's daughter would be a picture of loveliness."

"Oh, gawd, really!" Tseng hung his head for a second at the women's reactions.

"Yes. Here, here, take your cups. Normally a toast is made with alcohol, but tea will have to do for now." He waited for everyone to take their respective cups, giving Tseng a significant look, making him pick his own up. "To populating the world with beautiful people."

Soon after the toast was made, the food arrived at their table. Dinner went smoothly after that, with Rufus and Sieji making excuses to touch one another in inconspicuous ways. They all decided to go to Rufus' apartment after dinner. Reno and Rude were going to meet them there, so that Elena and Tseng would get the rest of the night off.

"You two have fun, now, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." Yuffie said, winking at Rufus and Sieji as she, Elena and Tseng were leaving. Rufus gave her a very level look, which he transferred to Tseng in turn.

"You planned this."

"Really, Rufus, how could you say such a thing!" Yuffie said. "We never planned on you getting a hair cut!" Rufus then smiled at them, and waved them off.

"I will give you the same advice, then."

"That doesn't leave much out, does it?"

"No."

They left after that, waving at Reno and Rude who were lounging on the couch watching a football game. Reno gave them a suspicious look before going back to the game.

The drive to Tifa's bar was quick and uneventful. Tifa greeted them at the door and showed them through the masses of people to the rooms upstairs. She was informed of the nights events, and 'squeeee'ed as Yuffie had at the comment about having beautiful children with Tseng. Tifa handed him a bag that held a change of clothing for him and he went into the bathroom to change. He had a feeling that watching the women change would not be a smart thing to do.

"You can come out now, Tseng!" Elena yelled through the door. He emerged slowly, ready to lower his eyes and jump back inside if it was a trick. It wasn't, and all four of them piled into Tseng's car, Tifa giving directions on how to get to the other bar. He managed to find a parking spot close to it, and followed the women inside.

All three of them were greeted by the staff and a few people that must be regulars. A waitress showed them to a table near what looked like a boxing ring. Four beers appeared without being ordered while the waitress chatted briefly with Elena. Bawdy music played a little too loudly while the tables began to fill up. There were more men than women there. Everyone was in a good mood, though. Just as all the tables were filled, the women decided that they had to go to the bathroom.

"Why are ALL of you going?"

"It's a girl thing, Tseng. Girls always go to the bathroom together at bars and clubs." Tifa said, walking away.

"We'll be back soon, don't worry!" Yuffie patted his cheek gently before following Elena and Tifa. They were gone for almost ten minutes when the lights dimmed and the spotlight turned on. It was on the center ring, and a man came out with a microphone wearing sunglasses and a tropical flowered shirt.

"Goooooooooooooood evening, friends! It's a lovely night here at Humdinger's, don't you think?" The crowd applauded loudly. "It's Friday night, and you all know what that means!" There was more applause and yelling from the crowd. "That's right, tonight is the night of the Championship fight! Will our standing Champ be thrown down, and the belt taken by a new victor? Or will the Champ come out of the fight triumphant? All will be decided with this final battle! Gents, if you'd clear the arena?" Several men, not one of them less than terribly muscular, came out of no where and removed not only the ropes, but the ring itself. Tseng couldn't see why they removed them, because the lights all went out.

"In this corner, the Champion of Champions, the Goddess of Glory, MISTRESS FILTHY LIPS!" A roar came from the crown as the spotlight went to the right side of the bar, and a woman came out from behind a curtain. She was clad in a sequenced bikini and wore a mask of the same color. Dark hair was pulled back in a pony tail and large, full breasts threatened to fall out of their small fabric prison. She held both arms above her head, holding a gold and silver belt for the audience to see.

It was Tifa. There was no mistaking her for anyone else. Tseng's eyes widened when he realized who it was walking to the center of the bar.

"Aaaaaaand in this corner, the Challenger! The Sweetheart of Pandemonium, BABY-DOLL CHAOS!" The spotlight went to the other side of the bar along with the roar and eyes of the crowd, and another woman walked out, wearing what could only be described as lingerie. Pink satin underwear that hardly deserved the name matched the baby-doll lingerie. The only part that wasn't sheer was covering her breasts, and the bottom edges were rimmed with matching pink ribbon. A mask of light pink fabric was on her face. She practically strutted down to where Tifa was standing.

This woman was Yuffie.

"Oh dear God, they're mud wrestling..." Tseng whispered to himself. He shivered and downed his beer in one go, taking another glass from the three abandoned ones on the table.

"LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMMMMBLE!" The lights were now shining on a depression in the floor, filled with mud. It looked like a giant cup of hot chocolate without the marshmallows. Tifa handed the belt she carried to the man with the microphone and stepped in. Yuffie did as well, but she lunged at Tifa, catching her off guard and toppling both into the mud. "OHH, and Baby-Doll Chaos makes the first move! You've got to give her credit, folks, she's a lovely slip of a girl, but she's got some pepper in her! Mistress Filthy Lips didn't take kindly to that surprise attack. Not at all! LOOK AT THE HOLD SHE'S GOT BABY-DOLL CHAOS IN! That is such a pretty sight."

"Wait, wait...BABY-DOLL CHAOS has won free! WOW, look at the way she's moving! Completely dominating the ring tonight, folks!" Tseng finished the beer in his hand and went on to another one. "This is one hell of a match tonight! And Mistress Filthy Lips is down! Oh, but she slips out of the way and Baby-Doll Chaos is sprawled out. She's got Baby-Doll in a hold and- OH MY STARS! HERE COMES MISS BLONDZILLA!"

Tseng turned to see another woman jump into the mud pit, this one dressed in a bright green bustier with black trim and laces. The boyshorts she wore with it were also green, with black lace trim. Elena's blond hair was shining in the spotlight as she approached the other two women.

"MISS BLONDZILLA IS ATTACKING MISTRESS FILTHY LIPS! SHE HAS HER IN AN ARM LOCK! I guess Miss Blondzilla didn't take her defeat last week lightly at the hands of Mistress Filthy Lips too good. Baby-Doll Chaos is up and tackling the Champ, taking Miss Blondzilla down too. OH BUT MISS BLONDZILLA IS HOLDING ON! SHE'S HELPING BABY-DOLL CHAOS PIN MISTRESS FILTHY LIPS DOWN! Where's the referee at? I don't know if this is legal, but I'm not about to stop them!"

He was watching three beautiful women squirm around and slid their hands all over each other in mud. Three beautiful women he knew personally, two of which were taken and the third always flirting dangerously with him. He couldn't take his eyes off the ring, but he did notice the small figure creeping forward to get a better view. Tseng grabbed Cait Sith before he could get away and quickly turned the power switch off, all while watching the match.

"IS THIS THE END OF MISTRESS FILTHY LIPS' REIGN? OH AND THE REFEREE COUNTS THREE! BABY-DOLL CHAOS AND MISS BLONDZILLA ARE THE WINNERS! Have you ever seen such a match? I know I haven't! Look at Baby-Doll Chaos gloat at her victory with Miss Blondzilla!" Yuffie and Elena were giving each other a high-five while Tifa was standing up. "Mistress Filthy Lips put up a magnificent fight! Give her a hand!" A huge round of applause greeted the half-hearted bow Tifa made. "And for our winners, and new Champions, Baby-Doll Chaos and Miss Blondzilla!" Another round of applause, Tseng clapping and whistling along with them, greeted the two women holding the belt over their heads. All three women waved and blew kisses at the crowd before heading to the back of the bar and through another curtain.

"Well, folks, that was incredible. I feel sorry for you guys all the way in the back! I've never seen some of those positions before! Those ladies never disappoint us. Have a good night, folks, and come on back next week to see the new batch of girls try and fight their way up to the Championship match!"

By the time the girls came back to the table, Tseng had himself composed enough to look them in the eye without turned red. All three were wearing the outfits they came in. The only difference was that their hair was wet. Not even their make-up was smudged.

"Did we miss anything?"

"Oh, just me trying not to ruin my favorite khaki pants. I hope you'll forgive me for taking all of your drinks. I'll buy you another round." They laughed so hard at him that they cried. "By the way, did you fall in or something? That was an awfully long bathroom break."

"Would you believe there's only one stall?" Elena said with exasperation.

"And one mirror?" Tifa said in the same tone. "How can they think women can make due with ONLY one stall and mirror?"

"I'd write a letter of complaint to the owner, demanding there be more stalls and mirrors, if I thought it would work." Yuffie took the remainder of the drink Tseng had and drank it. "You sure you can drive after four beers, Tseng?"

"Give me some credit. It takes at least six to get me well and truly buzzed." Tseng bought them the promised round of drinks, then they left. He was thankful to be out of the loud, smoky atmosphere. "I take it you go there often."

"Yeah! It's a whole lot of fun." Yuffie replied as they were driving back to Tifa's bar. "But, what are you doing with Cait Sith, Tseng?" He had taken the cat with him as they left.

"Oh, I imagine he was trying to find out what was going on tonight for Reeve and the others. I turned him off before he got a good look at you in the ring." They all laughed. "I suppose I'll return him in the morning, but not before uploading some pictures of natural male models into his system."

"Natural male models? What are they?" Elena asked.

"Uncircumcised men posing nude outdoors. And before you ask, Rufus sent me a link to a website with them. I no longer innocently click on anything he IMs me."

"Why would he send you stuff like that, Tseng?" He knew all three were looking at him curiously. Elena was just the only one to ask.

"He's convinced that I'll turn bi-sexual if I'm introduced to it enough. I am SO glad you introduced Rufus to Sieji, Yuffie." Yuffie giggled.

"Yeah, well, Sieji was giving you looks too. I showed him a picture of you, and I think he almost creamed his pants." Tseng rubbed his temple with one hand. He still had to drive, after all, else he would have used both hands. "Oh, come on, Tseng! You're hot stuff."

"Yep!" Tifa said from the backseat. Yuffie was up front with him while Elena and Tifa were in the back. They always managed to get Yuffie nearest him where ever they went. "You'd have to be for Yuffie to stay this obsessed with you."

"HEY! I am NOT obsessed!" Yuffie was bright red and turning in her seat to glare at her friends in the back.

"Oh, right, like you don't lay awake at night imagining him kissing his way up your thighs."

"That's a fun thing to imagine! But you don't have to go telling him that!" Yuffie said, still red-faced.

"Yuffie, please turn around." She looked at him, ears turning as red as the rest of her face. "And I will agree that is a fun thing to imagine. Although I would enjoy actually doing so more than imagining it." He was vaguely sure all of their jaws dropped at the same moment. "Was it something I said?"

"Tseng, you're awesome." Tifa said from the backseat.

"I've always thought so."

"So modest, too." Yuffie said, holding Cait Sith in her lap like a doll. She was smoothing its fur while sneaking a glance at him. Tseng saw her smile before looking away again.

"Am I taking the lot of you home, or are we going somewhere else?"

"Nah. I have to take care of the kids in the morning. Marlene can't do it alone." Tifa said. Elena was nodding.

"And I'm meeting Rude for breakfast."

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" The question was directed at him. He nodded. "YAY! Let's go to the diner before taking me home. Although, I'm almost scared to come home and find Rufus and Sieji there, having escaped from Reno and Rude."

"You could always stay the night with Tseng." Tifa sounded serious about the suggestion.

"She might not like that too much." He said.

"Oh!" Elena gasped, covering her mouth with one hand. He could see some of what they did in the rear view mirror. "I forgot about Charlotte."

"Who's Charlotte?" Yuffie was now angrily pouting at him, if such a thing was possible.

"Jealous, Yuffie?" Tifa teased, poking Yuffie's arm.

"Maybe. Who's Charlotte?"

"My pet tarantula."

"You keep a SPIDER as a PET!" Yuffie shrieked.

"Yes, and please don't yell in such an enclosed space. She's actually soft and furry, Yuffie. You might like her."

"Spiders are not soft and furry! They're creepy and gross and, and...GAWD what's wrong with you, keeping a spider as a pet!"

"She lives in a terrarium. It's not as though she runs around the apartment with a bell collar." This comment seemed to calm her down.

"Well, I'm still hungry." This seemed to be an apology of sorts, so Tseng took it as one.

"I hope you like diner food, because there are no other eating establishments open this late."

"I do!"

Tifa and Elena were dropped of at their respective homes, and Tseng and Yuffie found their way to an all night diner. He watched her eat a burger that looked larger than her stomach with wonder, and then had to watch his fries to keep Yuffie from eating them. She had finished all of hers already.

"If you're not full, which I can't imagine to be true, you should order more fries."

"I'm not hungry enough to eat another order." She was chewing another of his fries and reaching for more. He snatched his plate away from her. "HEY!"

"I believe these are mine."

"I don't see you eating them!" He still did not return the plate, so she got up and sat next to him in the booth they were sharing. Tseng scooted the plate to the very end of the table, just out of Yuffie's reach. "Tseng, if you don't give me those fries I'll never kiss you again."

"Now, that is cruel, Yuffie." He pulled the plate back to where she could reach it. Yuffie happily sat down next to him, eating his fries. She looked over at him with a smile, a fry half way to her mouth. "Have as many as you want."

"I will, thanks." She paused to chew. "Hey, Tseng?"

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Absolutely. I'll be taking a very cold shower when I get home."

"Why not take a hot one?"

"That would do nothing to alleviate the raging testosterone in my system." Tseng was watching her eat, noticing how she took delicate bites now instead of wolfing down her food as she had with her burger.

"Oh." Yuffie blushed slightly. "Why not jerk off and get it over with that way?"

"Because that's not what I want."

"Um, should I ask what you do want?"

"I want you, but I also like you a great deal. I would hate to have any awkwardness between us for one night's worth of amazing sex."

"Does it have to be...just one night, Tseng?" She looked up at him with eyes so large she could have been a deer caught in headlights. "Is that all you would want?"

"God no. I would love to spend many nights, and days, with you. Starting with tonight, but as I said, I'll be taking a cold shower when I get home."

"Why not take a hot shower with me?"

"I'd like that. I hope you won't mind Charlotte too much."

"So long as she's not in your bedroom." Yuffie stood up, leaving several fries on the plate, and extended her hand for him to take. "Let's go." Tseng stopped to pay the bill, then walked outside holding her hand.

"You know you could just let me take a shower and then we could watch a movie." They were almost to his apartment, stopped at a red light. Yuffie didn't answer. She unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed over the seats to straddle him in his. Her shoes were off, he noticed, but didn't notice anything else other than the kiss she was giving him. She went back to her seat just as the light changed to green. "Or not. I like your idea better the more I think about it."

"You should think with the head in your pants more than the one on your shoulders when it comes to me."

"I would enjoy a movie with you."

"And be hard the whole time?"

"You're worth the discomfort, Yuffie."

"Awww! If you weren't already going to bed with me, you'd get laid just for saying that."

**AWWWW! Gawd, I love Tseng. He's almost as much fun as Reeve. XD **

**Taggy**


	8. Chapter 8

**YAY for finally updating! You've been waiting so patiently. I won't keep you from the story! **

**I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just use them and get no monetary gain.**

"Oooh, let's put that one in!" Yuffie said, pointing at his computer screen. It held an image of a man's erect penis wearing a bow tie, with little eyes painted on the head. Tseng laughed and kissed the side of her neck before sending the image into Cait Sith's memory bank.

Tseng was seated at his computer, Yuffie on his lap. She was wearing a button up shirt that somehow found its way onto her body from his closet. Not that he particularly minded, seeing as she was wearing nothing else, but he would have preferred her to wear something easier to remove. He kissed her neck again, this time making his way up to her ear.

"Careful, I like that. Aren't we supposed to be putting images into Cait's memory?"

"Yes. But you're sitting on me and wearing nothing but one of my shirts. I can't help it, especially when I know how good you feel."

"You sure know how to stroke a girl's ego, Tseng." Yuffie said, standing up.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"Nowhere. I can't straddle you facing forward, now can I?" She came to sit astride him, arms around his neck. His lips and tongue were too busy with kissing her to answer, so he started unbuttoning the shirt she wore instead. "Didn't think so."

**Meanwhile, in Reeve's office...**

"When's that $&ing cat gunna wake up, Reeve?"

"Any minute now. The automatic reboot takes a while to begin." Cid began cursing as he lit another cigarette. Cloud opened a window and walked over to Reeve's desk.

"Why does it take so long, Reeve?"

"Well, in theory, whoever turned him off won't be expecting him to wake up three and a half hours later. They'd expect him to wake up within ten minutes or so."

"What do you think they're doing now?" Reeve shrugged his ignorance.

"Probably playin' strip poker again. Lucky bastard..." Cid switched his cigarette to the other side of his mouth. "How the $#$ did Tseng end up being buddy-buddy with all three of them!?"

"If I knew that, my friend, I would be the one with them and not Tseng."

"Good point, Reeve. Good point..."

"Ah, he's waking up!" Cid and Cloud gathered around Reeve's desk to see what was happening. "Let's see...his visual feed is manually turned off...but there seems to be some data in there..."

"Hurry the #$# up!"

"I am, I am. There!" Cid and Cloud reeled back from the image of an erect penis wearing a bow tie with eyes painted on. Reeve threw his head back and laughed. "Got to give them credit for creativity. I wonder if that's a picture they took."

"If it is, they're demented."

"I wonder if the caption of it would be 'Ness. Willi P. Ness. Jacked, not jerked.'"

"You're a sick $$ just for thinking of that!"

"Be that as it may, if it IS a picture they took , that means Tseng is naked with at least one of them."

"You're right! #$#! Get that robot up and running!"

"I am working on it as we speak...there we go...now where are we, my feline friend?"

_'I don't rightly know, Reeve! Let me unplug myself and we'll have a look about.' _

"And turn on your night vision as well."

_'Right. Ah, that's better. A bedroom! With clothes on the floor. Seems rather tidy other than that.' _

"I don't give a $# how clean it is, cat! What are they doing?"

_'Not too sure. Ah, the shower's running! I wonder if the bathroom is as disgustingly tidy as the bedroom. Hmmm...I can't turn on the transmitter feed, Reeve. Sorry.'_

"Yes, I know. Just record the images and tell us what's going on."

_'Right! Approaching the bathroom door, using stealth mode.' _

"The #$, is he humming is own spy music?"

"Apparently. It's part of his personality. I'm quite proud of how autonomous he is."

_'Going to crack the door open a bit, so I can get a peek inside.' _A few moments of silence passed by, the three men each waiting anxiously for an update. _'Alright, pulling back the curtain...lot's of steam, two feet...very nice set of legs...oh foofie!' _A high pitched scream rang out from the computer speakers. Cait Sith matched it with one of his own and the sounds of desperate scrambling and thrown shampoo bottles followed. _'T'was an accident, I swear! I woke up and didn't know where I was so I tried -OW- to find out -that hurt!- where I was.' _The next sound that was heard was that of a gun being cocked. _'Uh-oh. H-how n-nice t-t-to see you, T-tseng. Heh-he. Now, now, don't be hasty! Let's talk about this like civilized people...' _

_'I'm going to dismember you, cat.' _

"Well, at least he got some good video to share later on. If I can get him back." Reeve said, chin in hand. Cloud nodded. Cid just snorted and cursed as the audio feed was cut off. "I hope I can get him back. It takes so long to build a new one."

**-Back at Tseng's Apartment- **

Tseng sat on the edge of his bed, glaring at now inert form of Cait Sith. Yuffie was crawling up behind him, one arm snaking around his neck and shoulder. He sighed, and allowed himself to be pulled into the bed. It wasn't until she was wrapped securely in his arms that he relaxed.

"I probably shouldn't stay the night."

"What?" Tseng went right back to being tense. "Why?"

"Cause I don't want to kick you in my sleep. I do that sometimes."

"Don't frighten me like that. I can put up with a kick or two. Just make sure you don't aim for my crotch." Yuffie giggled and shifted a bit on the mattress. "You (_yawn_) think that's funny?"

"No...I'll save that for Reeve..."

"Good night, Yuffie."

"Nnnn..."

**-The Next Morning- **

Leaving his bed with Yuffie still in it was the most difficult task he had yet to undertake. She had tried to convince him that it would be better to stay home today, but there was work to be done even if he was not on guard duty in the morning. Yuffie walked him to his door, once again wearing his shirt with nothing under it. She had been good enough to make him some coffee, which he was thankful for. Standing in line at the coffee shop for an hour was not on his list of things to do.

"Good morning, Tseng. Did you sleep well?" Rufus asked, stepping into the elevator along side him.

"Quite. Did you?"

"Oh, yes indeed. I have a lunch date later on, hope you don't mind."

"No, sir. Seiji again?"

"Yes! Such a brilliant man. He said he would send me a silk lounging robe once he got back to Wutai." Tseng just nodded before taking another gulp of coffee. "And how is the White Rose of Wutai doing this fine morning?"

"Probably sleeping in. I hope she doesn't try to kill Charlotte."

"Charlotte? Who is that? I do NOT approve of another woman for you, Tseng! For shame!"

"Charlotte is my pet tarantula. Yuffie hates spiders."

"Well, I wouldn't care to find out before you've had another cup of coffee. What do you have in that bag?"

"Cait Sith." Rufus raised an eyebrow. "In a dress."

"I take it he was doing something naughty?" Tseng winced slightly. "Something wrong?"

"You saying the word 'naughty' to me is almost frightening."

"Well, I bet you were naughty last night! I know I was."

"That's nice, sir. I don't care to know any details."

"Oh, but that's not fair, Tseng! I'd be more than willing to listen to you talk about your night. You really should broaden your horizons. Live a little."

"I think Yuffie and the girls broaden my horizons quite enough." The elevator chimed at their floor, and they exited into the executive office suite. Reeve was there, waiting for them. He was no longer a member of the Shinra Co., but he had a great deal of experience that was needed to help restore things to a semblance of normalcy.

Tseng set his coffee down on the secretary's desk and dropped his bag to the floor with a thud. He opened it, and Cait Sith shot out, wearing a pink doll's dress and bonnet, clutching his tail in both hands for fear he would lose it.

_"Reeve! He pulled my tail clean off! Fix it! Fix it! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" _The robotic cat leaped into Reeve's arms, who was staring in horror at the cat.

"And next time, it'll be your head." Tseng reclamied his coffee and waited at the office door for Rufus. Rufus, shaking his head at Reeve examining his robot, followed him.

"What would you have done to a person that was spying on you?"

"I'd burn their eyes out with acid, sir."

"Oh. Well, shall we get the day started?"

"Yes, sir."


	9. Chapter 9

**KWEH! This one is short, but insanely funny at the end. XD I have another, longer chapter, but I'm not sure I like where it's going, so you get this instead. :) **

**I don't own FF VII or the book ****Stranded**** cause there is NO WAY I'd claim that book, EVER. **

"Tseng, how is Yuffie doing?"

"Much better. She's no longer sick every twenty minutes."

"Good! I was so worried about her..." Elena had been a wreck ever since Yuffie had been ill. There was reason to worry, seeing as it was more serious than most doctors had encountered.

"You and I both."

"She's not pregnant, is she?" She had grabbed Tseng's sleeve, eyes wide.

"No. She just had a horrible case of the flu."

"You're so lucky, Tseng. You never get sick."

"Which is why I took a week and a half from work to stay with her."

"I know! That was so sweet of you to nurse her back to health. Are you sure she's alright by herself?"

"Yes. I told her that if she started feeling bad again to call me and I'd come home."

Yuffie had been staying in his apartment while ill, which was nothing out of the ordinary because she was there most of the time anyway. Rufus had been adamant about Tseng staying with her, as had Tifa , Elena and Seiji. He made several phone calls a day, letting them know how she was.

Tseng had never been ill a day in his life nor had he been around anyone that was ill for more than a few minutes. Seeing Yuffie so wretchedly ill made his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He had found her in the bathroom, curled up on the rug, tears running down her face. She crawled over to where he knelt down, resting her head on his lap for a moment before rushing back to the toilet.

"Poor Yuffie. Can she eat anything yet?"

"Mostly just tea." He stopped walking for a moment, rubbing his face with one hand. "I never want to see her that ill again. Would you believe that she apologized for being sick? Apologized!"

"You didn't get mad, did you?" Elena seemed worried that he had.

"Of course not. She doesn't need someone angry at her when she's already in tears. I just don't see why she would apologize."

"I think it's a girl thing. We're supposed to be the ones taking care of the sick people, not being sick. Like we're a failure if someone has to take care of us. I'd cry if Rude had to take care of me while I was sick."

"Hmm...I suppose. It's nothing to be ashamed of." They were entering Rufus' office, and Tseng was immediately assaulted by Rufus inquiring about Yuffie's health.

"Tseng! You're back! Is Yuffie feeling better then?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good! Now then, let's get some work done now that we're no longer worrying over our friends' illness."

**Later that evening...**

_I'll never understand why paperwork is so tiring. _Tseng was walking into his apartment, finding it surprisingly neat. Yuffie left a mess wherever she went, but she tried to keep it in check around him. In turn, he was willing to ignore the two pairs of shoes carelessly left near the door and the crumbs on his coffee table. It was a fine agreement that both of them could live easily with.

"Hey." Yuffie was on the couch, curled up in a blanket and watching television. She sat up when he walked over to her, letting him have his favorite corner seat. There had been wrestling matches over the corner seat of Tseng's couch. They usually ended up with them naked, so neither minded too much.

"Hello." He sat down, leaning back as he sand into the couch. He loved his couch. It was perfectly soft yet firm enough to keep comfortable. One arm wrapped around Yuffie as she snuggled up next to him. "Are you feeling any better?" She nodded her head against his chest. Tseng kissed her hair before looking to see what she was watching.

"You look tired."

"I am. I just don't get how paperwork makes me more tired than working out does."

"I've never done paperwork, so I'm no help there."

"Don't worry about it. Did you eat anything?"

"No. I'm vaguely sure that anything I have to chew will come right back up, and I've had my fill of praying to the porcelain god." He chuckled at that, thinking that if it really was a god, it must have had enough worshiping to last a year. Yuffie lifted her head to look at him. There were dark rings around her eyes and her skin was pale as ivory. Even her hair lacked it's usual shine.

"You didn't have to clean up, you know."

"Yeah, but it was such a mess, and you're such a neat-freak, I just wanted it to be reasonably clean when you got back."

"You should do nothing but rest. I clean this place regardless if it's clean or not, so it's not a big deal."

"You are SUCH a neat-freak." He chuckled again as she put her head back on his shoulder. "Hey, Tseng?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For taking care of me. I'm a miserable cry-baby when I'm sick, and you didn't complain at all."

"Yuffie, what makes you think there is something I wouldn't do or put up with for you?" He felt her start to tremble before she started to cry. "What? What's wrong? Was it something I said?" He said, voice rising with panic at her tears. Yuffie cried quietly, not having the energy for loud sobbing. "What's wrong, Yuffie? Please tell me."

"Y-you're so good to me, and say nice things and all I can do is c-cry! WAH!"

"Are you crying because you're upset?" Her head shook 'no', and he breathed a sigh of relief. The tears didn't last long, and she was soon reaching for the box of tissues on the side table. She was sniffling pitifully while looking over at him under her eyelashes.

"Sorry. That kinda ruined the moment, huh?"

"Don't ever apologize for crying, Yuffie."

"But, you always get upset..."

"Yes, because I can't stand to see you cry. And if it's my fault, I feel like getting run over by a train a few times. That's all." She smiled a little. "Much better. Now, why did you start crying?"

"Cause..." She sniffled again before continuing. "...no one ever said anything like that to me before, and it made me happy, but I'm so tired and miserable I started crying."

"Are you going to cry every time I say something nice while you're sick?"

"I dunno." There was another sniffle. "Maybe." A smile appeared with another sniffle.

"Come on, time for bed. If you're not tired, I am." He turned the television off and stood up, ready to carry Yuffie to bed, but he found her standing up, still wrapped in her blanket. She followed him to bed, exchanging her blanket for crawling under the covers. He followed suit, relishing the feeling of freshly laundered sheets. "Do you feel up to finishing the chapter we started a while ago?"

"Mhmm." Tseng sighed, but pulled a book from the nightstand and opened it, ignoring the picture on the cover with all his might. "The end of this chapter is good."

"Good in a good way, or the way you consider good for this book?"

"Good for this book."

"Lord save me..." He found where they had left off several days ago and began reading aloud. "_door is frozen shut," Scott told her, "and even if it could open, it's blocked by about 10 feet of snow."_

"How will we survive? We have barely any food, no heat, and no water."

"We have each other," he said, pulling her closer.

Breathless, she gave in to him, feeling his body permeate with fervor and sensuality. They would nourish each other..."

"What the HELL?! 'nourish each other?' I don't care how hard you try, you can't survive on sexual fluids, dammit!"

"Hehe, it gets better..."

"Dear Lord please save me..."


End file.
